Will Heaven look like Zeenat Aman?

My mother used to tape Indian movies
illegally all day long
there’d be three or four movies going
two VCRs whirring
getting all technologically horny
with the high-pitched songs
of the young female stars
the lucky ones
who got to dance with Amitabh

Their bodies would be bursting out of their saris
their lips would be all moist and warm
but untouched
and Amitabh would be there all funny
funny with his long long body
and his eyes brown and warm

My mother used to tape Indian movies
illegally all day long
there’d be three or four movies going
two VCRs whirring
their frequencies all turned on
by that subtle pre-orgasmic flurrying
that filled every love sick song

And it filled me
so that even as a child
loving and kissing
were in my dreams
and I could never quite walk
from point A to point B

But would instead jump and bounce
humming something about eyes
looking like oceans or the sea in a storm

And at night before going to sleep
I’d think about the kids
who went to kindergarten with me
and imagine all sorts of adventures
all sorts of dances and songs

But my mother, she’s different now
she faces Mecca, not Namak Halal
and although she’s still singing
verses from the Quran

It’s not the same
there isn’t any kind of tingling
in my feet or in my gut

When I go home, I wrap my dupatta around me
my mother hugs me in-between prayers
she doesn’t get off her janamaz

But I remember her being different
I remember her smiling or angry
but always something
at least something
that felt like lightning in a storm

That was her before. Now
she’s like a volcano rumbling
as she sits there reading namaz

And I wonder if when her spirit passes
when her souls starts and leaves her body
and she goes to that place she’d rather be

Will Muhammad look like Amitabh
or will heaven look like Zeenat Aman?

Zeenat Aman: Bollywood actress
Amitabh Bachan: Bollywood actor
Namak Halal: Movie starring Amitabh Bachan
dupatta: A scarf which covers a woman’s hair and chest
namaz: Muslim prayer
janamaz: Prayer mat